* You keep your dog on a leash but not your wife.

* You strap your kid into a childsafe seat  not a suicide belt in the car.

* You think rapists should be hanged, not rapists’ victims.

* You are surprised to learn that ‘safe sex’ in Arab countries means marking the camels that kick.

* You will carry J&B in your car but not TNT.

* You can tell the difference between apes and pigs and Jews.

* You didn’t realize that camel hump and sexual intercourse were synonyms.

* You understand that there were never any ‘Palestinians’ in the Middle East before 1967.

* You believe there are no Walmarts in the Middle East because there is a Target on every corner.

* Your head is always higher than your butt when you’re praying.

* You just found out that Islamic schools never offer Drivers Education and Sex Education classes on the same day because the camels can’t handle the extra workload.

* You didn’t know that the reason the Taliban wear long robes is because goats can hear a zipper a mile away.

* You consider a ten-year girl to be a child, not a wife.

* You never knew that after having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.

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