Headlines from the UK in the year 2030

UK HEADLINES ANTICIPATED

White minorities still trying to have English recognised as the UK’s third language.

Children from two-parent, married, heterosexual  families bullied in
schools for being ‘different’. Tolerance urged.

Manchester schoolgirl expelled for not wearing a Burqa:
Sharia law must be enforced.

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions.

Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales
are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. UK
Government has told the Japanese that Grey Squirrels taste like whale meat.

Britain now has ten Universities of Political Correctness.
Professor Goldman of LSPC says there is still a long way to go
in the fight to stop people saying what they think.

Britain’s deficit £10 trillion and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success.

Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.

Iran still quarantined.. Physicists estimate it will take at least ten
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries.
No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for second term as US President in 2032.

Post Office raises price of stamps to £18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

After a ten year £75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labour Party:
Scientists prove diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of a British male drops to 18 stone.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil and
human  rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime.

Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches.

New law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and
rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons..

Inland Revenue sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 per cent.

Bradford won this years FA cup final beating the Hindu Hornets 4-1.

H/T Janice