EGYPTIAN President al-Sisi vows to fight to the death to keep Egypt out of the hands of terrorist groups like ISIS and the Muslim Brotherhood

“Unlike the countries that waged war against terrorism in Afghanistan and Iraq and other places, only to go away, leaving even more terrorism in its place, Egypt will never do that to the Egyptian people.”

Upon hearing this, a visibly irate Barack Hussein Obama reportedly stomped out of the Oval office, golf clubs in hand.