MUSLIM TERRORISTS IN FRANCE: “Oh, Noes! French media are no longer going to publish our photos or names? Let’s not blow ourselves up”

sad-MuslimsFrom now on reporting on Islamic terrorism in France will never be the same as several French media outlets last week announced they will stop publishing the names and images of Islamic terrorists (allegedly so as not to glorify the terrorists but we all know it is to prevent backlash against Muslims).

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  So, from now on, this is what the news will look like: (h/t polka23dot)

August 2, 2106: Seven people were killed yesterday and dozens injured when nothing happened at Paris’s Gare du Nord railway station.

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August 4, 2016 French officials said nobody detonated anything in particular near the station’s crowded entrance on the Rue de Dunkerque. Witnesses said loud cries of “Nothing! Nothing at all!” were heard seconds before the simultaneous non-occurrences.

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August 15, 21016 It is the third time in as many weeks that nothing has happened in Paris, which is now under full military curfew as police struggle to contain the city’s insurgent unidentified community.

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August 22, 2106 “The French people are united in their war against an unknowable and featureless void,” declared French President Francois Hollande, who vowed to “track down and bring to justice all of those who were not involved in anything.”

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August 26, 2016 Seven people were killed yesterday and dozens injured when nothing happened at Paris’s Gare du Nord railway station.

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September 5, 2016 French officials said nobody detonated anything in particular near the station’s crowded entrance on the Rue de Dunkerque. Witnesses said loud cries of “Nothing! Nothing at all!” were heard seconds before the simultaneous non-occurrences.

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September 11, 2016 To indicate international solidarity with the besieged French capital, landmarks worldwide last night displayed brightly-lit blank white spaces. A passionate Twitter campaign, #itdidnthappen, was launched in the immediate wake of whatever took place.

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September 20, 2016 “The world stands as one with [insert nation here],” Australian Prime Minister Julie Bishop said in her now-standard statement issued following all episodes of inactivity. “Australians send our deepest condolences to [insert foreign leader here] and his/her nation after this grievous act of [redacted].”

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September 26, 2016  In a completely unrelated development, German chancellor Angela Merkel today sent a message of optimism and hope to Berlin’s three surviving families. “Food will arrive soon,” Merkel promised in a video authorised by her captors.

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