Ever wonder why Moses ended up with the Ten Commandments?

God went to the Arabs and said, ‘I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.’

The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’

And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’

‘Can you give us an example?’

‘Thou shall not kill.’

‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

So He went to the Blacks and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, ‘Honor thy Father and Mother.’

‘Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said ‘Thou shall not steal.’

‘Not steal? We’re not interested.’

Then He went to the French and said, ‘I have Commandments.’ 

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, ‘Thou shall not commit adultery.’

‘Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We’re not interested.’ 

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, ‘I have Commandments.’

‘Commandments?’ they said. ‘How much are they?’

‘They’re free.’

‘We’ll take 10.’

 

There…now that should piss off just about everybody.

 h/t Ellen H

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  1. LOL. Some good jokes here, especially Jewish jokes! They brightened my day, especially with all the usual Islamic doom and gloom. I love that joke about Adam and the rib. LOL.

  2. And then God came to the Democrats and said I have Commandments.. so they sued him for trying to be a bossy white guy telling them what to do

  3. I love Jewish jokes. The following told by Jewish pensioner on tv.
    “Jewish lady walking to shops past the Rabbi’s house. Rabbi said that he would walk with her. A man wearing a very nice overcoat accosted them, threw open the overcoat. He flashed them, he was naked.
    “There! ‘ said the Rabbi in disgust, ‘what did you think of that?’
    The Jewish woman replied ‘Nice coat. That lining is not much good, though”

  4. This is a joke, based on several stories in various Jewish legends,
    at the end, the tale goes,
    Before giving the Torah to the Israelites, the Lord also said unto Moses: “Go and speak to the daughters of Israel, make known to them the contents of the Torah and ask them whether they will accept it”. Thus the women were asked first, because, as a rule, men follow the counsel of women.
    One for Emma I think ! 😀

  5. That’s some funny “stuff ” …..”implicit in the right to Freedom of Expression is the right to offend ” , depends on how you react to it , unless you are a liberal or a moslem. !!!!!

  6. Currently in negotiations for a new home and I have to admit my husband’s”Jewishness” is showing😱. By the time he’s done with it, someone else is going to pay the asking price and we’ll have to start all over again!!!! He’s reverting to the stereotype.

    As for stealing… Senate just yesterday stole $150 billion from the social security fund!! While we’re focused on this word “pussy” , they’re screwing over all of us!!

    • Sure someone will have a case of extreme butthurt over this. You know when the Creator made adam and eve . That Adam was a white man . Try and take a rib from a blackman

      • @ US infidel

        Funny stuff and I am half black. And I love ribs, especially beef ribs and I know a lot of black people who do like ribs, beef or pork. Yeah, you can’t easily take ribs from a black person.

        LOL. 🙂

        No butthurt here!

        @ Emma dela Cruz

        Stereotype or no, Jews are famous for haggling for that money, trying to get the best deal. But many Eastern people do that, not just Jews. My mother is a black women, and she can do it!

  7. The Arabs asked, ‘What are Commandments?’
    And the Lord said, ‘They are rules for living.’
    ‘Can you give us an example?’
    ‘Thou shall not kill.’
    ‘Not kill? We’re not interested.’

    This explains the following Qur’anic verse
    Qur’an 115: 1-4 – مع السلامة (Ma’a salama): Good bye – ALL islams
    1. Purge the sterilised islam appeaser Masters Globally !!!
    2. Purge the sterilised islam appeasers Globally !!!
    (This includes the “Peaceful” Greens)
    3. Purge islam and its sterilised islams Globally !!!
    4. Pulverise ALL the islam Mosques Globally !!!

    The method “allah” in a service to mankind is using to free the world of islam !
    115: 1-4 is to be seen as an extension for ALL islams of the “Shia flagellate” !

    (Never fitnah enough !)
    Fitnah is the Quranic phrase for what has been dubbed Islamophobia in the non-Islamic world.

  8. which proves to me that God is a Republican He knows everyone’s weakness and He knows as soon as every Jew follows every one of his commandments perfectly they will be Republicans and vote for Trump and all the rest of Democrat’s will have to follow their lead because it will signal the end of the world they know

  9. Ten Commandments …. one for each toe …. this was the beginning of the “Digital Decimal” system …. then God gave us ten fingers …. so we would never forget …. well, we forgot ?

      • Tony’s comment made no sense at all; it was just a puerile attempt to insult you. He only demeaned himself. A sure sign of an intolerant Leftist.

        Considering their own history of isolation in ghettos, & beyond the Pale, I will never understand how European Jews & their descendants can join with the intolerant Democratic Party considering how they have caused the Blacks to be so ghetto-ized even if there are no physical walls keeping them in. But they are being kept in a restricted place by the Democrat fight against Charter schools, & their slavish catering to the non-teachers’ unions who provide a very poor education, since they can’t be fired or taken to task for such a poor outcome. It’s doubly hard to comprehend since the Jewish population has such a reverence for learning.

        I also can’t understand their misplaced loyalty to the Left considering that the Left has done very little to support Israel in their fight for their country against the encroaching Arabs surrounding them on three sides.

        • SL, leftist Jews don’t all support Israel either. The reason so many Jews remain on the left is because democrats, and especially liberals who were desperate for new members, embraced the Jews when they started immigrating to America in the early 20th Century. Republicans wanted no part of the Jews back then so naturally, they stuck with the party that did. Like father like son mentality continues and generation after generation of Jews are stuck in that mindset from a hundred years ago.

  10. Good one!
    Hope this gives a tickle

    An Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Muslim were standing atop the Eiffel Tower. The American went 1st, stepped up to the edge and threw a cheese burger ‘Well gahdamn! We got too much of this in my country, won’t notice one go missing’
    The Frenchman went next, and threw a bottle of wine ‘mon due, we ‘ave so much of this in mah’ countree, we won’t notice one less’
    The Muslim stepped up with a falafel, spun round pointing at the other 3 ‘don’t you dare’!

  11. You may have heard it…
    A Jew goes to his local rabbi and tells him – Rebbe, I don’t know what to do. My son finished college so I sent him to Israel for a year, to learn about life. He comes back after a year and tells me he’s become a Christian. What the hell can I do?

    The rabbi says – Funny you should say that, exactly the same thing happened to me.

    They discuss their dilemma for a bit and decide to pray to G-d and ask Him for guidance. They kneel down and pray and ask G-d for guidance.

    After a moment a voice booms from heaven and says – Funny you should say that, I had a son…